Réponse :

coucou j'ai corriger tes fautes ils n'y en avaient pas beaucoup mais tu oubliée souvent les majuscules et il y avait trop de point (petit conseil met plutôt des virgules >3 ) Et pour le prénom se n'est ma micael mais Michael voilà passe une bonne soirée >3

Explications :

Hello everyone, welcome to this channel. Today we are going to talk about a tragic day for the United States, September 11, which is part of American history, and which every American citizen remembers. We want to pay tribute to the family of the victims. I will now give you a recap of that day. During 9/11, 4 planes were hijacked by terrorists, two of them went to the World Trade Center, one plane crashed into the South Tower at 8:46 am and the second one at 9 am. It was total panic, everyone was running in the street, some were hiding behind cars. We are in the company of two guests Michael and Rami. Michael was in the tower when the plane crashed and Rami was one of the witnesses to the attacks.

Réponse:

Hello everybody, welcome to this channel. Today we going to talk about tragic days for USA. The nine eleven is a part of history for USA, every people whose com from america remembers this important day. We would like to pay tribute to all the family of the victims. I will know give you a recap of this event. In a first time, four planes were hijacked by terrorists. Two of them went to the wtc and a first plane crashed into the south tower at 8:46. Afterwards the second one did the same at 9:00. It was the total panic for all the peoples who were living there, everybody runs in the street... It was so terrifying, some people was so scared and decided to hide behind the cars. Today we have the chance to welcome two special gest. Of course, we are in company of Micael and Rami. Micael had a lot of chance specially this day, because he was in the tower when the plane crashed on it. Rami, still shocked by this day... He was one of the witnesses during this attacks. He saw the whole scene... It was so unexpected and surprising that he will never forget the immense fear that had invaded him.

Explications:

Dans des textes, il est toujours préférable de faire des courtes phrase.

Essaye de varier le vocabulaire, ne pas toujours mettre day par exemple.

Quand tu raconte quelque chose mettre des mot accrocheur : In a first time, Afterwards.

si tu écris plusieurs heures, il faut toujours les écrire de la même façon sois en chiffres sois en écriture mais ne pas varier les deux.

N'hésite pas à utiliser plusieurs mot différents pour bien insister sur l'évènement grave : scared, terrified, panic...

Quand tu changes de sujet, par exemple ici pour dire le prénom des invités, rajoutes une phrase d'accroche.

Quand tu présentes les deux personnes insistent bien c'est important d'en parler d'avantage.