Bonjour, est ce que mon texte est juste s'il vous plaît? Merci
I want to denounce the extremely harsh living conditions of children in our time, to be a poor child today is to work to survive, to work to eat, and when work is no longer enough, children steal. They are well obliged, what could be more human than wanting to live. They are the hope of our nation but we treat them as the last of our priorities however our children must learn and go to school rather than killing themselves to survive.
I denounce the work of minor children, indeed they must go deep into the mines and sneak into the galleries in order to collect the precious coal. They have no choice and do this job so they can survive. No child should be sick because of the known toxicity of these mines, no child should be afraid of the belly to see the gallery collapse on him, no child should work as much. Childhood is made to dream not to cry.
Their life expectancies are diminished with all the dangers they take, dying from a gas explosion in the mines, seeing the gallery collapse above them, lung diseases ...
The way we take care of these children is a shame and I implore the government to change that and I would denounce it as much as possible in my novels.
Charles Dickens
I want to denounce the extremely harsh living conditions of children in our time, to be a poor child today is to work to survive, to work to eat, and when work is no longer enough, children steal. They are well obliged, what could be more human than wanting to live. They are the hope of our nation but we treat them as the last of our priorities however our children must learn and go to school rather than killing themselves to survive.
I denounce the work of minor children, indeed they must go deep into the mines and sneak into the galleries in order to collect the precious coal. They have no choice and do this job so they can survive. No child should be sick because of the known toxicity of these mines, no child should be afraid of the belly to see the gallery collapse on him, no child should work as much. Childhood is made to dream not to cry.
Their life expectancies are diminished with all the dangers they take, dying from a gas explosion in the mines, seeing the gallery collapse above them, lung diseases ...
The way we take care of these children is a shame and I implore the government to change that and I would denounce it as much as possible in my novels.
Charles Dickens
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... children in our time. Today, poor children have to work to survive, work to eat, and when...
Que veux-tu dire par “They are well obliged?” Je crois que tu peux juste enlever cette partie et juste dire : What could be more human than wanting to live?
... the last of our priorities. However, our children should be allowed to go to school and learn rather than killing themselves to survive.
I denounce forcing children to work; indeed, they must go deep into mines and sneak into galleries in order to collect precious coal. They have no choice but to do this to survive.
... no child should be afraid of a gallery collapsing on him...
Children’s mortality rates are high ; for example, they can die from gas explosions in the mines, galleries collapsing, lung diseases.
... government to change that. In my novels, I will denounce it as much as I can.
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Bravo! Le texte est très bien écrit. En soit, presque rien n’est faux! Mes suggestions améliorent juste un peu la fluidité. Une chose, fait attention à ne pas faire des phrases trop longues (j’ai le même problème haha). Si tu veux les faire longues tu peux rajouter par example un ; ou une autre ponctuation!
J’espère que ça t’as aidé! ❤️