Bonjour,
Je devais écrire une petite histoire avec ce ticket. J'ai essayé
Est ce que quelqu'un peut me corriger SVP.
"How am I going to explain this amount to my parents! I show them the ticket or maybe not! Let's be honest, Dad, Mom ..... OK, this is the end of the year ball, but the It's a very good sum, let's think about it: I really needed everything for this exceptional event, and the clothes will be used for other occasions (for a job interview, another evening). They are stronger, less defective, I will know how to use them at other times.A pair of shoes is practical every day, just like the vest and the perfume.I bar the total sum so I can say that the saleswoman was wrong or better she gave me a discount Yes it's well thought out Promise I'll refund (but as my parents are nice: maybe they will forget) After all this evening will be my evening, you have to have a good time, thank you I love you. "
Je devais écrire une petite histoire avec ce ticket. J'ai essayé
Est ce que quelqu'un peut me corriger SVP.
"How am I going to explain this amount to my parents! I show them the ticket or maybe not! Let's be honest, Dad, Mom ..... OK, this is the end of the year ball, but the It's a very good sum, let's think about it: I really needed everything for this exceptional event, and the clothes will be used for other occasions (for a job interview, another evening). They are stronger, less defective, I will know how to use them at other times.A pair of shoes is practical every day, just like the vest and the perfume.I bar the total sum so I can say that the saleswoman was wrong or better she gave me a discount Yes it's well thought out Promise I'll refund (but as my parents are nice: maybe they will forget) After all this evening will be my evening, you have to have a good time, thank you I love you. "
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- Dans la première phrase le terme "amount" me semble inutile et même un peu étrange
- "I will show"
- Dans la deuxième phrase tu changes très vite d'avis et ça rend la compréhension assez dure, ajoute au moins une virgule
- Remplace "ok" par "well"
- Je crois qu'il manque la fin de la phrase après "but the"
- Tu peux remplacer "It's a very good sum..." par "Eventually, it can be good if you think about it"
- Après "everything" tu peux rajouter "I bought"
- Tu peux remplacer "the clothes will be used..." par "the clothes could be used for other occasions like a job interview or another evening"
- "less defective" est bizarre
- rajoutes peut-être un "and" avant "I will know..." et remplaces par "I will learn how to use them later.
- Remplaces "practical" par "convenient"
- Tu peux peut-être remplacer "just like" par "same for"
- Je n'ai pas compris ce que tu voulais dire par "I bar" et je ne suis pas totalement sûre que "sum" existe
- Remplaces "I can say that the saleswoman was wrong or better she gave me a discount" par "I can say that the saleswoman was wrong. Or better, than she gave me a discount !"
- "Yes it's well thought out" n'est pas vraiment correct, tu peux tout simplement mettre "Sounds good !"
-'I promise," et je ne comprend pas le sens de "i'll refund"
- Remplaces "but as my parents are nice: maybe they will forget" par "but my parents are nice so maybe they will forget"
-"After all, this evening will be my evening"
- Est-ce qu'il s'adresse à la personne à qui il écrit dans "you have to have a good time" ? "so I have to pass a good time" me semble plus correct
- Si il s'agit d'une lettre tu dois mettre à la ligne le "I love you" et signer par le prénom du narrateur, sinon fais en qaund même une nouvelle phrase
J'espère que j'aurais pu t'aider !