Bonjour, je suis en troisième et je dois faire une histoire fantastique en anglais. Pouvez vous me dire si vous voyez des fautes ou autre s'il vous plaît ? Merci
Voici mon texte :
One day, a brave man decides to go and meet a creature, a scary creature. She lived in the depths of the oceans. She was born before the birth of Jesus, in twenty BC. All the people who met her were traumatised and committed suicide within two days of meeting her. She killed more than three million people, and continues to do so today.
She had an oval head with a big mouth filled with a row of teeth. She had two eyes on either side of her head. She had a big red bump on top of her head, and four tentacles on the sides. With her tentacles, she can catch its enemies and shake them around and then devour them if she wanted to. She had a long red and white body and three tentacles on her tail. She didn't like to be bothered or visited.
But, the courageous man wants to meet her. He takes his submarine and sets off. He finally sets out to find her. She was usually next to the big red rock. So he headed in that direction. In the distance, he saw a big red monster. He hesitated to turn back, but went towards the creature. It was casting a frightening look, full of rage. The creature approached the man very quickly and caught him. She is shaking him very hard, so the man, extremely shaken up, threw up all his guts. Afterwards, the creature let the man go and ate all his guts. The man collapsed to the ground and fell on a sharp rock that pierced him. The creature, in a fit of anger, grabs the man and eats him.
Voici mon texte :
One day, a brave man decides to go and meet a creature, a scary creature. She lived in the depths of the oceans. She was born before the birth of Jesus, in twenty BC. All the people who met her were traumatised and committed suicide within two days of meeting her. She killed more than three million people, and continues to do so today.
She had an oval head with a big mouth filled with a row of teeth. She had two eyes on either side of her head. She had a big red bump on top of her head, and four tentacles on the sides. With her tentacles, she can catch its enemies and shake them around and then devour them if she wanted to. She had a long red and white body and three tentacles on her tail. She didn't like to be bothered or visited.
But, the courageous man wants to meet her. He takes his submarine and sets off. He finally sets out to find her. She was usually next to the big red rock. So he headed in that direction. In the distance, he saw a big red monster. He hesitated to turn back, but went towards the creature. It was casting a frightening look, full of rage. The creature approached the man very quickly and caught him. She is shaking him very hard, so the man, extremely shaken up, threw up all his guts. Afterwards, the creature let the man go and ate all his guts. The man collapsed to the ground and fell on a sharp rock that pierced him. The creature, in a fit of anger, grabs the man and eats him.
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Réponse :
Bonjour alors ton histoire est vraiment bonne cependant quand on écrit une histoire on le fait dans le passé composé.
Explications :
Il faut changer tous les verbes en passé composé par exemple : 'decides' vient 'decided'
Après "to go and meet a creature, a scary creature" c'est plus appropriée de l'ecrire cpmme : "to go meet a scary creature"
"She lived in the depths of the oceans. She was born before the birth of Jesus, in twenty BC." : "She lived in the depths of the oceans and was said to be born before Jesus in the twenty BC"
"She had a big red bump on top of her head, and four tentacles on the sides. With her tentacles, she can catch its enemies and shake them around and then devour them if she wanted to" : "She had a big red bump on top of her head, and four tentacles on the sides with which she caught and shook her enemies before deciding to devour them"
"She didn't like to be bothered or visited." : "She was a creature which adored her loneliness and became very much annoyed when someone or something would disturb her"
"He takes his submarine and sets off. He finally sets out to find her" : "He took (passé composé) his submarine and went off to find her"
"She was usually next to the big red rock. So he headed in that direction.": "Being known to stay next to a big red rock, the man headed in that direction."
"He hesitated to turn back, but went towards the creature" : " he considered to turn back, but advanced towards the creature."
"Afterwards, the creature let the man go and ate all his guts" : "Afterwards, the creature let the man go and ate all his remains"
"The man collapsed to the ground and fell on a sharp rock that pierced him. The creature, in a fit of anger, grabs the man and eats him." : "Having fell on a sharp rock, the man let out a pierced cry which annoyed the created which ate him"
Volia! J'espère que cela pourra t'aider! Bonne vhance pour l"école!