Bonsoir, pourriez-vous corriger mon devoir s'il vous plait merci
I'm going to talk about the notion of myth and heroes. To begin with, I would like to give a definition of myth. A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. To illustrate this notion, I will talk about famous walls considered like myths.
Why can a wall be seem as a myth?
Firstly we are going to see walls seem protect and reliable, and secondly we will see that is only an appearance.
In first, on the video of Trump's wall, we can see people and Trump think built a wall would be a solution at the immigration. He wants finish the wall present at the border of Mexico and United States. He want also secure this wall with an aerial surveillance, above and below ground censors (=détecteurs), towers and guards. This project seems reliable to prevent of Mexican immigration.
Others walls, like the Great China wall was built in order to protect the territory along the Northern frontier but also to keep the Chinese in China or the Berlin wall created during the cold war to keep East Germans from defecting to the West. The walls are built with stones, concrete for instance to be solid and resistant.
In this second part, we can say walls are myths. For instance, in the movie ?The golden dream?, we see migrants crossing over the wall despite the border patrol. We can see everywhere, people can crossing over the wall, for instance for the Berlin wall, people crossing over it too.
The document ?The wall in the head? explains that is a state of mind. Walls are built protect us from fears and anxieties. The protection is an appearance not a reality. The fact walls protect us is a popular belief, that is false. Indeed, most of walls that were built throughout the world have been destroyed after a while because they didn't serve their purpose. On the contrary, they tend to anger both sides of the wall and to exacerbate their negative feelings towards each other. Moreover, walls are easy to climb over or sneak under.
Finally, to conclude, we can say walls are myths because they are not a reliable protection, it is just an appearance. People think it is a protection against dangers or immigration but it is false, people crossing over the walls. I think although walls are unreliable it is important to build them for people think they are in security.
Lista de comentários
- "In first", remplace le par "Firstly", tu passes alors de "en premier", à "premièrement" ce qui est mieux.
- La première phrase de ton premier paragraphe, je mettrais plutôt : Donald Trump and many people think that building a wall would be a solution for the immigration.
- Ensuite deuxième phrase : He wants finish -> He wants to finish
- Troisième phrase, corrige et mets sa : He also wants to secure the wall with ..
-Troisième phrase de ton deuxième paragraphe : corrige et mets ca : We can see it everywhere: People are able to cross the wall, for instance for the Berlin Wall, people were also crossing over it.
- Ensuite mets ca: explain that it is a state of mind
- Ensuite mets ca: Walls are built to protect
- Puis mets ca: The fact that walls protect us is a popular belief, which is false
Dans la conclusion, corrige et mets ca: people are able to cross it ou people may cross it tu choisis.
J'ai corrigé les fautes et non pas le contenu de ton oral, sachant que je suis a la fac. Si j'ai oublié quelque chose, dit le moi. Bonne soirée