My mother called me one day into a side room and told me to be prepared to be inspected by a prospective bridegroom. They had a shock at home when I told my people that I’d not allow anyone to inspect me as a bride and that I’d rather do the inspection of the groom! They felt outraged and my father’s younger brother, my father being too angry to speak to me, took me aside and said:
“Don’t be mad! Don’t you know that it’s not done?”
I replied: “If it is not done, it’s better that someone starts doing it now.”
“What’s the matter with you, my dear, why do you want to spoil1 your chance of settling down in life?”
I had to explain that that was not my aim in life. I had other aims. I said I would like to work, rather than be a wife. [. . .]
I was finally persuaded. I was particularly fond of that uncle and could not brush him aside. I decided to go through the ceremony of being viewed and assessed. I had made up my mind that I’d hate the young fellow and discourage him publicly. They decked me in all the jewellery pieces borrowed from my sister—in-law in the house, diamonds and gold all over my ears, neck, nose, and wrist, and clad me in a heavy sari crackling with gold lace. I felt suffocated with all that stuff over me. I felt sick and felt that I was losing my identity. But I bore it all patiently as they fitted me out in the side room, and stood around and exclaimed at how well I looked, and the children gaped and cheered and joked. I hated the whole scene. I was seized with a feeling that I was in a wrong world, and that I was a stranger in their midst. I saw my mother’s face beaming with satisfaction and I was irritated at her simplicity. Although I Was only thirteen, I had my own notions of what was good for me and what I should do in life. Although they admired me, I dreaded to look into the mirror myself. And then they seated me like a doll, and I had to wait for the arrival of the eminent personage with his parents. What a fuss they made when they arrived. It’s hard to get a bridegroom, and when one is available parents treat him as a hard-won prize
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lauranceIn our community it is the custom for girls to be engaged very early to a boy chosen by her family .Of course before their son is committed to marry the girl , he and his parents want to meet her That is how when I was thirteen my mother told me that they had found a prospective husband for me and that he would come home with his people to meet me. I did not want to become engaged so early , I had other plans for my life, I wanted to study and to have a job.But my father, my mother and all the family were very angry with me when I told them so and in the end I had to accept their decision .The day of the visit came, I was dressed in a beautiful saree and covered with jewels .I was feeling depressed but everybody else around me was satisfied and hoped I would be able to catch the boy for myself.
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That is how when I was thirteen my mother told me that they had found a prospective husband for me and that he would come home with his people to meet me. I did not want to become engaged so early , I had other plans for my life, I wanted to study and to have a job.But my father, my mother and all the family were very angry with me when I told them so and in the end I had to accept their decision .The day of the visit came, I was dressed in a beautiful saree and covered with jewels .I was feeling depressed but everybody else around me was satisfied and hoped I would be able to catch the boy for myself.