Bonjour, voici ma notion :Idea of progress, pour l'oral de bac pouvez vous m'aider à corriger les fautes s'il vous plaît ? N'hésitez pas à me dire ce que
vous pensez du contenu. Merci
I will present you the notion: Idea of Progress. To begin I’d like to give you a definition of this notion: the idea of progress is an improvement, a development or a change; it can be a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. I will illustrate this notion through the technological progress, what is the impact of technology in our daily life? And can we live in a tech less world today?
Technology has a real impact in our daily life, indeed advancements in technology have greatly increased our living standards. Today, with the help of mobile technology, internet and social networks we can talk to our friends and relatives who are living far from us and we are able to learn new things or to share information to any part of the world with in milliseconds. We are using the all-natural resources available for making our life better and with progressive technology in the agriculture field; we are able to meet food requirements of people all over the world. Our environment is all so full of technology to the point that most of the time we don't realize the level of impact that it has on us, until we have no telephone, transport, water or electricity.
Therefore, there are more and more people who decide to leave behind them their modern lives and to go into the wild to be closer to nature. They build eco-friendly houses or yurts and they don’t use any electricity. They try out a new way of life, they getting away from their exhausting routine and the stress and pressure of their life. Besides, this kind of living it’s for them enriching and rewarding, and it’s the way to see if they could cope with the bare necessities. Nevertheless, for some people live without modern conveniences is inconceivable and this experience is for them a real nightmare.
However, there are times when we must do without technology such as during blackouts. People have different reactions when these kinds of events happen. Some get worried because they cannot contact their relatives or because they have no other means to eat, get to work, get warm. But others find that it can be a good experience as you have to help others and let others help you: in a way, it brings solidarity and contacts between people. Regardless of the reaction of people, thanks to this kind of incidents, people realize how addicted to technology they have become without knowing.
To conclude, technologies are an integral part of our everyday lives, they help to improve our lives, but today electric devices are taken for granted. That is why for some people the world is ruined by all these technology devices which create a lot of pollution and dependence. Consequently, for them getting rid of technologies is a sort of progress.
Lista de comentários
Tout d'abord, je tiens à te féliciter : ton texte est excellent !!
Je n'ai relevé que quelques erreurs :
"I will illustrate this notion through the technological progress, what is the impact of technology in our daily life?"
-> Essaye de mettre la problématique à part (dans une autre phrase). Introduire une question dans une phrase affirmative me semble incorrect. Il vaudrait mieux faire deux phrases.
"they getting away from their exhausting routine and the stress and pressure of their life."
-> Tu dois mettre soit : "they got away", soit : "They are getting away". Ta phrase telle quelle n'est pas correcte (grammaticalement parlant).
"this kind of living it’s for them enriching and rewarding"
-> "This kind of living IS for them ... "
"for some people live without modern conveniences is inconceivable"
-> Tu dois mettre "living" et non "live".
Sinon, tout est bon !
Bravo, vraiment !